Nearly 50 years after it was first unleashed upon the world the love song Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah as performed by the multi-talented Howard Morris for The Jetsons animated television show is a cultural and Valentine’s Day classic. Originally broadcast in 1962 in the episode “A Date With Jet Screamer” Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah has outlasted many of the “serious” pop songs of the day and has been sampled and covered by such bands as the Dickies and most famously, the Violent Femmes. Plus: Starkids reference.
Here is my Valentine’s Day list of the Top 5 Love Songs of All Time. This list can not be disputed. Eons from now the immortal cybernetic Octo-Wolves that host the digital remnants of humanity via blood-borne nano-bots will gather under the moons of Earth and lift high tentacles to transmit mp3000 howl-bursts of agreement over this list*.
5: Love, American Style theme
Like it or not if you lived during the 1970s this patriotic theme song was being whistled and hummed all over America. Composed by Charles Fox (of The Green Slime theme fame) the song got tweaked a bit from its original awkward arrangement into this snappy tune for a soft-core anthology comedy/romance show. Love, American Style is probably best remembered for hosting a stealth pilot for the long-running television series Happy Days.
4: American Pie
Vomitously covered by Madonna a few years back this 1971 ode to nostalgia was a huge hit for folk-rock artist Don McLean. This song is in the list because it is about a love of music and how it affects people. The song was one long reference to pop-culture.
3: This Guy’s In Love With You
Another Golden Oldie from 1968 performed by Herb Alpert and written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. This song could probably be credited for getting Herb all the action he could handle and more for the next several decades. The lyrics are a bit of a downer but the score itself is amazing and can’t be diluted even when rearranged as elevator music.
2: X Offender
A seemingly shocking song that features the doo-wop styling typical of the proto-punk era by Blondie with vocals performed by Debbie Harry. Originally Sex Offender, the name was changed due to concerns that the tune would receive resistance from radio stations worried over public reaction to the title. True Blondie fans call it Sex Offender anyway and totally get it. The song about a sex worker who is arrested by a police officer is misunderstood by a lot of people who don’t understand that cops are people and need love too.
1: Maybe I’m Amazed
A love song from Paul McCartney to his wife, Linda. Maybe I’m Amazed is considered one of his greatest songs and is prominently featured on several albums and is showcased during concerts. Paul reportedly wants this song to be the one he is remembered by. The live version is better than the studio one, of course.
* Frankly, I’m surprised I ever have sex.
“So, what is this?”
“I dunno. They told me to decorate the heart cakes like those candy hearts. With words like Be Mine, UR Gr8, Luv You and SWAT.”“Yeah, SWAT. So what does SWAT mean?”“Dunno. They just said SWAT.”“Maybe that was supposed to be SWAK.”“That doesn’t make any sense.”“It does if you are saying Sealed With A Kiss.”“Oh, yeah. Well, they said SWAT.”“Sure they did. Okay, what’s done is done. You can discount these tomorrow after Valentine’s Day, right?”
They wonder why everything I say is prefaced with a heavy sigh.