"Close enough" is loser talk

I really want an on-model Parade Hater Horace sweater for Christmas. Sadly, I can’t trust anyone in my family to have one made and to do it right. Invariably they would get something wrong. Something about the sweater, probably more than one element, would be off and ruin everything. The color, style, size, material or the all important typography of the garment would be “close enough” or sub-par. I want to squeal with joy and pump my fist in the air, not look disappointingly at my clan, lip curling with barely concealed distaste, and mutter a halfhearted thanks. Since my stated gift-giving goal every Christmas is to absolutely crush the giving abilities of others it is obvious I’ll have to do it myself if I want it done right.

Operation Awesome Christmas has begun!