Like it doesn’t bother you

Remaining calm in restaurants is  particularly difficult and can be quite a challenge for the average, normal person. This is because the cutlery is often magnetized through handling, cleaning, jostling and scraping in the storage racks. Trust me, it’s science.

The main problem that occurs from cutlery being magnetized is that it makes lining up the flatware perfectly parallel on the napkin with even spaces on each side and without touching the implements next to it AS IT SHOULD BE extremely difficult for the average restaurant patron. Too close to the  neighboring implement and the fork is subsequently attracted to the adjacent piece of cutlery and then shifts off center and it TOUCHES the knife or spoon. I will not stand for that. No way. If the cutlery is not close enough to the other then the entire setting is NOT LINED UP RIGHT and then they won’t be perfectly even on the napkin AS THEY SHOULD BE and then I get upset and nervous and then that tremble in my chest returns and it won’t go away until I fix the problem.

Oh, man. Just looking at this image is making me want to photoshop them parallel.