Sleestak’s Movie Review: Geez, Danny

Went to a movie yesterday up at the local shopping center and decided to see The Bourne Assassinator The Shooter starring that one guy and Danny Glover. I enjoyed the movie enough even though the dialog was liberally sprinkled with gratuitous wingnuttery from both sides of the political spectrum. My only question was about actor Danny Glover. The last time I saw him in a film from a few years ago he looked his usually hale and hearty self. In The Shooter Danny had a speech impediment and looked awful. Was all that aspects of his character or is somethign else going on?

The previews for upcoming films were interesting. First off, they showed Next, a film based on a story by author Philip K. Dick about a guy who can see his immediate future and as long as he doesn’t run out of options, change things for the better. Movies based on his work haven’t fared well in the translation from text to cinema but even though it features Nicky Cage it seems like it might be okay.

Secondly was the trailer for The Reaping featuring Hillary Swank. I generally like Hillary but this is one of those films that you can’t wait for it to come out just so the trailers will finally stop being shown. Is it only me or was anybody else thinking how awesome the film would be if instead of a Christian apocalypse all those swarming locusts were actually the Zanti Misfits exiled to prison on earth without our permission? That would be sweet.

Then the trailer for the next installment of the Bruce Willis franchise, Live Free or Die Hard, was shown. I was wondering how come with all his ass-kicking of evil that John McClain wasn’t the head of some secret spy organization by now or at least the President of the United States. I’ll see it anyways. Damn you, Hollywood!

On a side note, I did notice that trailers for Die Hard and Next had some action sequences in common where the hero narrowly escapes horrible death by the coincidences of nearby moving objects landing or suddenly positioning in such a way as to prevent a hurtling airborne car from crushing them. It’s like there is a place in Hollywood where all the suits meet and compare and trade the next cool of cinema cliches’ to make the rounds.

The evolution of cool f/x cinema gimmicks goes something like this: Once the sequence becomes old hat after being featured in a few movies it will then naturally progress to making appearances in an original Sci-Fi channel movie or two as f/x guys get access to the software program used to create the scene. The sequence will then bounce around in advertising spots for household cleaners or microwavable meals for a while before it disappears in favor of the newest cool effect.

Tags & Links: Al Rio Art

Grocery Store Artifact: Supergirl of Earth-Retail

In the Giggety Lantern Corps post about The Brave and the Bold #2, I showed what is bothering me about the way the relationships between Supergirl and the male members of the DCU, particularly Hal Jordan, are being portrayed.

Let me explain why it skeeves me out.

As a supervisor at my last job something happened a few times. One of our employees was a young, blond female about 17 years of age who worked as a cashier. She could be described as attractive and was often compared in both looks and brain power as “Maryland’s Jessica Simpson” as she was pretty but dumb as a box of particularly retarded hammers. She was incompetent at the job, and that was due to her youth and incredibly short attention span. She was easily distracted, never shut up and lost track of what she was doing whenever something shiny, dull or even lackluster happened to catch her eye. She was also a huge pain in the rear.

Miss X, as I will call her, was a flirt who had many bad habits. She was the type of young lady who acted out in ways both good and bad for the attention that got her. When at the supervisor counter I would periodically look over all the registers to make sure we were taking care of the customers. If I happened to catch the eye of Miss X while doing so she would start acting out, dancing in place and gyrating like a party girl on spring break. This, I gathered was her attempt to be sexy yet coy. When this happened I would roll my eyes if alone and make a note in the shift-log or tell my co-worker, who was female, to walk by Miss X’s register and tell her to stop flirting and do her job.

On occasion when a supervisor had to give Miss X some selective counseling about keeping a neat cash drawer and to quit her habit of giving out $100 bills as change when she meant to give a $20, she would move in very close. If the supervisor were near something she could lean on Miss X would “innocently” move in very close, actually pressing one of her breasts against his arm all the while giving him her undivided attention. When spoken to, her directed stare, brow furrowed from intense concentration and the odor of burning insulation should have been the big red flag to the supervisor that something was up. When the supervisor nonchalantly shifted away so there was some space between them, Miss X would a moment later move in closer and re-apply to his arm the illegal mammary gland.

If I was out at a bar goofing on age-appropriate chicks I’d be totally into scenes like that. A woman laying her breasts up on someone else in a public place could be considered an encouraging sign of progress by some guys in the dating scene. But at my age and assumed maturity when a 17 year old girl shows a personal interest I swiftly recognize it is likely she is being disingenuous. I am not so easily manipulated as that and the attempt to do it leaves me disappointed with their character and serves only to annoy. Anyways, who besides enemy soldiers guarding a prison cell in a bad action movie falls for that crap?

Those behaviors from teen-agers are why I don’t think the Supergirl/Hal Jordan flirting scene was so harmless. A 17 year old shouldn’t be doing it and a mature adult shouldn’t be accepting it. I kind of doubt given the history of both characters that the writers were trying to make the point to the old guard heroes that just because a new hero is young and inexperienced they are not careless and foolish with their abilities.

I don’t spend my day chewing on pens out of frustration and constantly reminding myself that all the 17 year old girls I observe walking around are not available for sex. Instead of Hal Jordan using two pages trying to hide an erection, I would rather have had him remarking that he couldn’t believe Kara was so young because she was confident and competent beyond her years.

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Comic Book Ad: So realistic, the cops will kill you!

World's Finest Comics #029 (fiche
From World’s Finest Comics #29 (July-August 1947)

Pretty sweet toy.

Wowzers! Those post-Congress and parent group comic book covers were incredibly lame. The lame factor was especially high on those of World’s Finest with Superman, Batman and Robin getting all chummy and acting like tourists instead of fighting crime and dropping evil-doers from the top of buildings. Often though, the sanitized and cheery covers were there merely to fake out Mom and Dad about the interiors so they wouldn’t see Batman letting some villain die in an acid shower death-trap of his own design originally intended to scour Robin of his flesh.

You know the ones…

AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE – – !
“A grisly fate, but one that he deserved.”
“Right, Batman! Let’s go for ice cream.”
“Ice cream is not good for young, healthy boys, Robin. Instead, let’s have some 100% American steaks served with vegetables from our Victory Garden.”

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Sleestak reviews: The Brave and the Bold #2

What I appreciated about DC’s 2007 revival of the classic team-up title is that in The Brave and the Bold #2 the team of Mark Waid, George Perez and the rest took one of the most annoying story concepts in the Luck Lords, from arguably the worst Silver Age tale ever of the Legion of Super-Heroes and made it pretty enjoyable and readable.

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The Giggety Lantern Corps

Perhaps the Guardians didn’t choose the best Green Lantern in Quagmire when assigning him to escort Supergirl through space to another planet in this preview from the 2007 Brave and the Bold #2.

B&B2

“Hey! Blond girl! I hear that Krypton went around its sun twice as fast as the Earth’s?
So that means you’re really 34 years old! Alllll-right!”

Like this sequence is any less creepy than the one with Hal “17” Jordan and his internal dialog.

Tags & Links: She was 28!

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign

Never mind the dog

When I first saw this sign on a fence a few blocks up from where I am currently (and temporarily) residing bearing the slogan “Never mind the dog, beware the owner” accompanied by a drawing of a fist clutching a pistol, I thought to myself that the dire warning held little weight.

First off, no dog barked when I walked by. So that was my initial clue the owner was all talk and no action. Secondly, I felt that surely, anyone who can afford a gun could also spare the change for a few garbage bags to hold all the yard trash and maybe send a few bucks over to the neighbor kid to mow the lawn every now and then. The sign, I felt, was all show and the home owner was trying to fake out the thieves with empty threats.

Then I realized I should have known better. If years of experience living in Texas, New Mexico and Maryland have taught me anything it is that even the most destitute redneck in America usually has a fully equipped and lethal arsenal that could put the military forces of some nations to shame. I don’t know how some people do it. A lack of any means of employment seems to be no barrier to owning many thousands of dollars worth of weaponry, SUV’s and plasma televisions even as six children share a single pair of shoes. A quick look through the window of any Maryland home into the living room often reveals stacks of guns and mounds of loose ammo piled about. One thing you can count on in some states (particularly Maryland) is that no matter how many rusted Buicks on cinder blocks with weeds growing out of the hood there are in a yard there is somehow always enough money for guns.

Oh, and beer.

Dang, I almost forgot the one other thing. They typically have plenty of cash for marijuana also. No soap or food not made entirely out of processed corn fructose for the kiddies but always plenty of cash available for recreational narcotics.

So all you lying, thieving neighbors in San Diego beware! Such a dilapidated home means this particular occupant can probably back up his claims to being armed against burglary with a dozen cruise missiles and that the sign on his fence means business.

I know this one does…

beware of god

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The H.P. stands for Happy!

I was reading some of my 1960s era Iron Man comic books today and got to thinking that Hap “Happy” Hogan getting a job as chauffeur as a reward for saving Tony Stark’s life way back in Tales of Suspense was sort of a waste of story potential. Hogan didn’t do much except mope after the boss’ secretary and get rescued by Iron Man much of the time. Imagine how awesome the original series would have been if the pity-job went not to a morose, punch-drunk loser of an ex-boxer but instead to a racist author with suicidal urges and complex mommy-issues.

I really think H.P. “Happy” Lovecraft would have been the greater asset to Team Stark.

Tales of Cthulhu - H.P. "Happy" Lovecraft

Tags & Links: 70 Years after Lovecraft (via Boing Boing)