Husband-Hunting Tips

From various 1950s issues of New Romance I present as a public service announcement some really handy advice for those young women intent on pursuing romance with a steady beau all with the goal of getting hitched.

As all women know, good health is essential in maintaining your gene-derived, socially acceptable standards of good looks that are wholly dependent upon evolving cultural expectations! Sleeping with a window open for fresh air is a recurring theme in some of these old pre-Polio vaccine PSA’s. Breathing in Radon and mold day and night is a general no-no so it’s a good idea to have adequate ventilation. But it all depends on where you live. If you live in a universe where it is cool for a teen-ager to take their dad to a party and school yard gangs talk out their differences instead of popping caps into each other , then by all means, go for it. But where I live sleeping with an open window means you will probably wake up (if at all) with a crack-head holding a box-cutter to your throat as his buddy unplugs your TV.

Good Health is BEAUTY

Then of course girls must always appear cheerful! Nothing makes the boys shy away faster than a moody girl. Show a smile! Boys don’t like girls that appear thoughtful or express emotions that don’t compliment them. If maintaining cheerfulness is difficult on even the best days ask your mom how she does it. Many aids to happiness come in easily-obtained and affordable liquid or pill form.

Hold that SMILE

Almost as important as good looks is the ability to not embarrass any males you have come into contact with! Be polite, deferential but have your wits about you. But not too much! Be careful, girls! If you appear too smart boys won’t like you and instead of a home, hearth, husband and children to keep you warm at night it will be your hot tears staining the pages of a textbook on science!

Smart Talk

Once you have all the basics down you can go on the prowl! Not having to work after high school is important for the modern girl! Time is a wasting! So get involved in all those hobbies that men enjoy but proceed with caution. Don’t fully participate in sports and hobbies, LOOK ON ADORINGLY ONLY, or if that is not possible, ensure you take on the role of an accessory, like a tennis racket stand or gym bag carrier (but not too heavy a bag, you don’t want big ugly muscles!). Take steps to ensure you don’t intimidate a guy or show him up and faster than you can say “Holy Matrimony” you will be fulfilling your role as a wife, mother and homemaker!

How to meet HIM

And then it is HAPPILY EVER AFTER!


Love by Ondol’s Light

Awwww. Burning charcoal makes him wistful.

Back in the day when serving in Korea the wife and I had to move out of one house heated by an ondol system, a series of heated pipes that run under the floors of a residence, due to carbon monoxide leaks. By regulations, U.S. service members living off the base were required to live in homes that had been upgraded to use heated water pipes in the floor instead of the more dangerous hot air systems that were notorious for leaking poison gas. One morning shortly after moving into our new apartment the wife and I woke up each of us with pounding headaches and nausea. After our IQ’s returned to normal we decided “We’re outta here.” We discovered the landlord had lied about what heating system he had installed, being greedy for rent money. We were lucky we woke up at all.

The ondol heating systems may be behind the Korean urban myth of “fan death” that remains a concern primarily through fear-mongering by the media. In the public panic over illness or death that may have been caused by carbon monoxide poisoning it was often blamed on fans “stealing the air” or dehydrating sleepers. Most fans, even those sold today, have a timer that shuts the device off not to save electricity but to prevent death. That a fan is in the room of a person allegedly affected by a “fan death” is incidental. The fan death myth is persistent and even the skeptical blame it on dehydration and suffocation using rather shaky science to support their beliefs. But more than likely fans are blamed because one happens to be present in the room of the elderly or ill. more likely explanation that death through natural causes or carbon monoxide is ignored in favor of the scary idea that death can strike anyone, anywhere caused by nothing more than a gentle breeze.

The remote possibility may be that if a fan was involved in a death or illness at all it could have been from disturbing carbon monoxide gas that had settled under the floors from leaking heating pipes. It is possible the gas may have been disturbed by moving air from a fan that caused it to swirl and rise up through the floor to the level of a sleeping person who, in traditional Korean homes slept on mats on the floor, could then have then been in direct contact with the gas. Any “fan death” reports that had a basis in fact would probably have come from the passing of elderly residents in older style homes heated by older ondol. It is unlikely the one or two deaths per year attributed to “fan death” occur in modern homes with safer heating systems and are probably due to natural causes.