One of the few positive aspects of being beaten down by life is that while you wander aimlessly about the streets because the thought of staring at the television another second is too much to bear, you usually hang your head down as you walk. While this has the danger of accidentally walking into poles, low-hanging signs and other stationary objects there is the rare benefit of finding interesting things on the ground that does not consist of pebbles, twigs, unconscious homeless people and soda cans.
Like the memory card out of a camera, for instance.
Like most discoveries of this nature the card is jam-packed with photos of cool music concerts, vacations I can’t possibly afford, fun parties I will never be invited to, complete tools who need a beating and attractive women, one of whom is apparently the owner of the card. Don’t get excited. Since I am over the age of twelve I will not be posting or sharing her personal photos, ever. So don’t ask. Young women have enough to worry about without some tool who is way overdue for a whupping zapping her photos all over the planet. *
If possible I would like to find the owner and send her back her card as it undoubtedly contains some very special memories that may otherwise be lost forever. The card was found in a college area of San Diego in September 2009 and there are very few clues as to the identity of the owner. Perhaps the dazed and confused couple in the photo below are able to identify the owner and have her contact me.
I have found about six memory cards laying about on the ground in the last year. I usually find more flash drives and SD Cards than coins. Amusingly, with the exception of one that stored an elderly couple’s Arizona vacation all of them contained photos or videos depicting drug use. The last one I found was full of photos of two guys doing nothing but smoking crack.
It is disheartening to see that kids are not any smarter than they were back in the late-1980s. During inspections of military housing I’d often find taped to the walls of service member’s rooms Polaroids of the soldiers smoking a bong or holding huge bags of marijuana in that very same room. The photos were invariably mounted in plain sight. Usually the new photographic evidence of illegal activity would have visible in the background one of the older pictures of illegal activity.
For the record I’m currently against the legalization of the Devil’s Weed. Not because it is allegedly harmful or hysterically designated as the first step to an inevitable heroin addiction but because people act like morons 95 percent of the time and our society hasn’t proven itself mature enough to use it responsibly. People generally act stupid and I’ve never met anyone who was high that didn’t act stupider from the effects of it, as shown in Exhibit A above. As a rule we can’t even handle sugar, booze and trans fats much less recreational narcotics.
* Unless she is a entertainer, celebrity, politician or other public figure. In that case Perez Hilton can call me and we can discuss my awesome payday because finders are keepers.